Maybe They Are Still Out To Get Me

Posted by: Sam Eaton
Under: Connections, Quantum Thoughts
2 Feb 2008

I’ve said before, I’m not a conspiracy theory buff, but I do like collecting “secret” society facts. Previously I documented a few of my favorites: The Knights Templar, The Bilderbergs, The Council on Foreign Relations, The Freemasons, Opus Dei, The Illuminati and The Order of Skull and Bones. While there are many other real ones I could mention, I thought you might be interested in three of my favorite fictional ones:


International Order of Friendly Sons of the Raccoons
Also known as the International Order of Loyal Raccoons, or at times, the Royal Order of Raccoons, this fraternal organization first came to into the public eye in 1952 but was actually founded by Toots Mondello and Herman Hildebrand in 1907. While it attracted a working class following of Bus Drivers and Sewer workers with its philosophy: “We’re brothers under the pelt”, they pursued a variety of charitable works. Perhaps they can be best understood through their Alma Mater song:
“From the hallowed streets of Greenpernt,
To the shores of Sheepshead Bay,
From the Verrazano Narrows,
To Canarsie across the way…
We have come together, one and all,
In fellowship to commune,
And to glorify the Grand Exalted
Brotherhood of Raccoons. [Howl]”Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes
Originally called the Loyal Order of Dinosaurs this oldest of all secret societies has had many of its elements coopted by more modern societies. Some of the more notable examples include:
Knights Templar of America adopted their headgear from the Water Buffaloes
The Council on Foreign Relations based its goal of one-world-government on the fact that only one government existed during the Water Buffaloes existence.
The Freemasons current focus on fixing parking tickets is a direct emulation of the Water Buffaloes regular wheel patching events.
The Order of Skull and Bones’ rather drastic treatment of members who attempt to leave can be traced back to the Water Buffaloes use of human sacrifice.

The Stonecutters
As with the Racoons, The Stonecutters philosophy can best be summarized by exposing their song:
“Stonecutter’s song
Who controls the British Crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do. We do.
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do. We do.
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do. We do.
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do. We do.”
…And by exposing their initiation ceremony closing proclamation: “the Sacred Order of the Stonecutters has, since ancient times, split the rocks of ignorance that obscures the light of knowledge and truth… now let’s all get drunk and play ping-pong.”

Note: If any of these groups actually exist, please don’t come and get me.

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